The Great Red Ocean....

Inside me there is a great red ocean and I am drowning
The waves gently lap at my feet as I survey the expanse
Blood red water, inviting me to dive deep
Pristine, stoic, still and flat like a crimson mirror
Refreshing, filling me with pleasure like the harlot's eyes
Nothing good or eternal rises from the depths
Death lurks beneath the tantalizing surface
I know things I should do and those I should not
But I may as well be holding back the tides
I turn and run from the shore of flesh
I put behind me every touch, every kiss, every sensation
It terrifies me to be soo consumed and controlled by the depths of the red depths
Yet as I glance over my shoulder, the waves are still at my feet
Still brushing at my ankles, as enticing as before
I fall to my knees, desperate, crying out for redemption
Begging with every fiber of my soul to be released
Strength begins to flow through me and I find my feet
I stand on my own and take my own life, holding on tight
I will build a wall of sand, a fortress of dirt
I will fight back the tide, I will defeat the sea
My strength is sufficient for me, I will fight a battle never won
My defenses are strong and true, The tide shudders in my shadow
The waves cower at my feet as they slowly erode the sand
Behind my wall I am safe as the red seeps into my sanctuary
My safety, my self, my wall collapses under the waves of temptation
I dive once more into that beautiful scarlet sea
Inside me there is a great red ocean and I am drowning


Seems a little condemning and dooming doesn't it? There is no hope. I may as well be holding back the tide. This is how soo many people feel. Soo many people fight these internal battles that never have and never will be won. Soo many people start to feel a shred of strength and attempt to stand on their own. Soo many people will continue to fall and drown. So what are we doing to help them?

I can remember feeling like my temptations and desires controlled me. Like I had no option other than to succumb to them. I could count on one hand, no, on just a couple fingers, the days I could be proud of myself for staying clean and not giving in to my temptations. There was no hope. No hand to hold. No light to guide. I can't give myself hope. I can't hold my own hand for comfort. I can't give myself guidance. And yet I tried with every shred of myself to do just those things. Somebody please smack me across the forehead and show me how utterly rediculous I am being!

Paul called it his thorn in the side. I call it the curdled milk in my latte. A battle I will never win. A temptation I will always carry. But by which I will never have to be controlled. Jesus Christ has won the battle.  "Hey little boy bury your sword, Jesus already won this war" ~Cool Hand Luke, "Heroes will be Heroes"